Life in the Garden

Matters of Life and Death

Archives for July 2007

Can’t Get No Satisfaction

We’re still digging out from the remodeling project, tedious, but liberating.

Two customer service issues with Amazon and Alltel have taken their toll.

As an Amazon merchant, we’ve had some issues regarding payment and communication and recently terminated our seller account. Amazon is difficult to do business with on the merchant level. After digging down deep for a phone number, I was connected to a rep in India and then transferred three times to someone who would “put a note in my file”. That’s what they said a month ago. Hmmmm. Suspicions confirmed…..

Alltel: Second visit in four days. The phone store experience has become reminiscent of a visit to the DMV. Silly me, I went to one of the smaller “satellite” stores thinking it might be less busy than the main location. Bad idea. The reps are pleasant enough, it’s the clients that are surly. Saturday, get new phone and revise contract.

Today, I planned a weekday 10 am visit for a simple accessory exchange, should be in and out. Count on a minimum 30 minute wait. Both days, customers are stacked up with lots of huffing and puffing going on. Three agents to service the masses. Saturday, they had a greeter to take names and route the traffic. They don’t answer the phone, which rings incessantly, but the ring tones blend in with the hip hop dance club music they play overhead. The kids love it.

Prior to the first visit, I made several attempts to call ahead to get the store hours, the recording does not divulge that information. Today, I saw two people stomp out of the store swearing they’d never use AllTel again.

Maybe they should expand the lounge area and serve cocktails while people are waiting. Or hire a few more agents. Saturday, my rep was demonstrating the phone internet features and pron proceeded to download in my face. Whoops! Krazy Kids!

On a brighter note the folks at urngarden.com have added a wholesale module for funeral directors to log-on and order the cremation urn styles that families WILL BUY. We’ve mined the data to show you what customers prefer in your area and you can build around it.

Today we’ll examine Florida. Most funeral homes in the USA carry the two standards Birds in Flight (I call it “Free Bird”) and the Classic. Both have matching 3″ keepsakes and are the most popular cremation urns sold in the Sunshine State from 2005 to present.

Speaking of memorial keepsake urns- from the 3″ brass standards to the cremation urn jewelry gold heart pendant, they all do well. Family packs of keepsake urns in quantities of 4-6 are a popular choice and we’ll mix and match if desired. Call me or call your supplier, but make it a point to stock the cremation urn styles that families prefer.

Celtic keepsake urns- we have an exclusive line that we’ve added in the last year.


Florida Families also purchased: Blue Swirl and Irish Rose .
Urn Garden blue urn

Florida families are doing the tree dedications and adding a bench or statuary as a cremation memorial.
Urngarden memorial stones

Goodbye Tom

Miss you already……

In another life we drifted off to sleep with Tom in the background.

Known for his improvised, casual style and robust laughter, Snyder conducted a number of memorable interviews as host of NBC’s “The Tomorrow Show.” Among his guests were John Lennon, Charles Manson and Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols.

On the print side of media, our friends at Embalmed to the Max introduced us on to an interesting online diary of an obituary writer.

The writer’s reference to her father struck a chord:

My father loves this garden. But he is consciously shedding it from his life, as he is shedding the house and all the accumulations of the years: the saucepans and chairs, the postcards and birthday cards, the blankets and stamp albums, the holiday ciné films. He is perfectly happy, he says, to move to a pleasant empty room for the rest of his days. He is stripping down, getting ready. Meanwhile, outside, Nature is slowly erasing his projects in creeping roots and seeds.

Today’s tip for better living: “Fire up a colortini, sit back, relax, and watch the pictures, now, as they fly through the air.”

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The Constant Shuffle


Today’s tip for better living comes early in the show from the Archeress: Try to avoid O’Hare connections whenever possible. Here’s why:

that i got stranded and had to spend the night on the floor of the chicago o’hare airport last week. planes don’t fly when there’s lightning. and when scores of flights are cancelled, and it’s late at night, hotels are full, restaurants closed, and the “cots” provided by the city (otherwise used in homeless shelters i imagine) are all taken. so you lie down behind the baggage conveyor belt, with about fifty other people, and listen to annoying recorded announcements that continue all through the night. people go outside to smoke and then can’t get back in until 5am. it was very surreal. it’s not for the weak or the neurotic. i had some trouble with it.

f**k o’hare and all the overbooked airlines and their federal bailouts and their CEO bonuses and their brain-dead representatives, and their stupid recorded announcements “if you see something, say something…” …okay, i see a thousand people stranded like refugees, everything from japanese businessmen in expensive suits, to elderly people, all lying on the floor of the airport. that’s what i see. and i see an american woman crying over by the baggage conveyor.” hello? is anyone there?

i got to arizona, 30 hours (!) after leaving la guardia

We haven’t done three beautiful things in a while, here we go:

  1. Good fung-shui
  2. Clarity of Thought, finally…..somewhat
  3. Hot cup of joe in the morning

Saturday morning. July has been a busy month, SRP (stuff reduction program) about to wrap. An ongoing project since 2001. It may be a life’s work. The constant shuffle.

Had the VH1 on the background this am and was intrigued by Sir Paul’s video and then stumbled upon The White Stripes Dead Leaves and Dirty Ground vid.

Also found out that Chachi gets his own show: Single and 45. From VH1’s site:

Over the past 25 years, Scott Baio has lived a life that all red-blooded American males’ would sell their big screen TV, car and soul for, boasting a jaw-dropping roster of erotic ex’s that would even make Warren Beatty blush. This extensive line-up of Hollywood honeys include: Heather Locklear, Pam Anderson, Denise Richards and Nicolette Sheridan.

But now, staring down the barrel of middle age, Scott has come to the end of his philandering rope. At 45, he finds himself at a mid-life crisis of mythic proportions, wondering why he’s still single, alone and still unable to settle down and commit to a substantial, meaningful relationship.

Scott Baio says it’s not a reality show and compares it to “Entourage” and “High Fidelity”. Hmmmm, two of my faves. Might have to check it.

And finally, Billy Ray Cyrus has morphed into Keith Urban.

Enjoy the weekend!

Clearing the Emotional Clutter Pt. 2

HOW TO FREE YOURSELF OF MEMORY CLUTTER

* Realize that if you let go of an item, you do not let go of that person. People do not live on through material items.

* Hold on to items that only bring back positive memories, not painful ones.

* If there are items that encourage you to keep up a ritual based on grief, consider letting it go and focus on the positive instead.

* Make sure your space has a great representation of the past but also leaves room for you to celebrate the present and plan for the future.

* Keep the items that truly represent your loved one. To help, use this three-step process:

Step 1: Place all items in another area.

Step 2: If you’re looking to renovate a room, decide how you want to feel in that space.

Step 3: Sort everything into three categories: charity donations, keepsakes and items for a memory chest.

After almost six years, one family began the process of letting go of their young son. They begin with suitcases of his clothes and find a T-shirt that brings back painful memories of the end of his life. “Three years of our life was pain, and that’s like a memory of him. That’s still him,” his mother says.

“You have to separate the pain from the memory of your son,” organizational expert Peter Walsh says. Slowly, she lets go. “The thing is now this will be used by kids who need clothes. It will be put to great use by others who are less well off than you,” Peter says.

When deciding to keep certain things, that were part of the family routine, Peter wants to make sure this ritual is not unhealthy for the family. “The big focus in this is that stuff has power over you,” Peter says. “My concern [is] that often in touching things or looking at things they [are] connecting to the grief of the experience.”

Five hours later, the family finishes with four boxes of joyful memories.

When they described what they wanted in a home office, the family told Nate they wanted it to be functional but still honor their son’s memory.

Nate turned Jake’s old bedroom into a cheerful, organized office for the entire family. The new space is inviting. Calming blue walls, one of which is covered in cork with family photographs and mementos from the past, but room for the future picture perfect moments.

Nate and Peter pulled out all the stops for a memory chest using a beautiful armoire from “Remember when we gathered everything that you wanted to keep into the memory chest pile?” Peter says. “It’s important to understand that those things that you wanted to keep can be stored anywhere as long as they’re stored with honor and respect. And in the case of the room, the armoire’s the perfect place for that.”

On the other side of the room is a matching armoire to organize office supplies. “There are two cabinets, one’s past, one’s present and future,” Nate says.

The family loves the tribute and says they are glad the room is no longer a shrine. “It’s more of a healthy room….it’s not stuck in 2001. Now it’s 2007 and forward.”

Clearing the Emotional Clutter

Our feeding, sleeping, and work schedule have been interrupted by home improvement projects. Tedious, but good to clear the clutter and transform the work space.

But what if you have a room in the house that needs attention and it’s just too painful to go there? The years pass, the room becomes an unintentional shrine and you are afraid to let it go?

Enter Nate Berkus. Oprah’s favorite decorator. Nates’ assisted families that are coping with the loss of a loved one, in transforming a room without losing the memories.

Memory clutter is a more common problem than most people realize. People are terrified that if they let go of the loved one’s objects, they will lose the memory. Clearing the emotional clutter can actually help preserve your loved one’s memory. Sorting through the things that remind you the most, that represent the best, you honor the memory even more. Instead of the fear of losing the memory, you actually move to a place where the most important memories are honored.

In 2004, Nate and his partner, Fernando, were on vacation in Thailand when the devastating tsunami hit. Nate survived, but Fernando did not. “One of the reasons why your story was very touching to me was that I lost my partner very dear to me very suddenly, and it took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that people aren’t things. They’re just not,” he says.

Nate says he held onto a voice mail Fernando had left on his cell phone for a year after his death. Not knowing his phone would automatically erase messages that were a year old, Nate was shocked to find it was gone when he went to listen to it on New Year’s 2006. “It forced me to realize that, that wasn’t Fernando, as sad as it was,” Nate says.

Nate tells the families that it’s a monumental day, “because we’re here to help represent the future and honor the past. And that’s really what we’re here to do.”

Next: Tips for freeing yourself from the emotional clutter.

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