Almost broke my neck attempting this stunt.

Funeral directors have a problem? Maybe you prefer the word “challenge”. The Boomers are breaking tradition. When the average burial is $5000 minimum, and the average price for cremation is $2500, and you’re a funeral director…..you’ve got a situation.

We collect articles on creative memorial services. Here’s one we’ve been sitting on. Thanks to CK for sharing. Our sympathies to her family on the loss of her mother.

After we discontinued life support on Sunday we committed to something that I share with you: while it would be a hard week it didn’t have to be a “bad” week. After all, we were honoring and mourning a person that impacted us in defining, advancing ways. We had no unresolved issues or regrets and told our silly, smart and sweet momma how much we loved her all the time. Geez, I even have a darn theme song for the woman and my sister has a pet name for her. We are, as weird as it sounds, fortunate to be left with such gaping holes in our hearts.

One glitch, though…a ‘funeral’ with sad songs and sad people did not align with our mom’s spirit. It was wholly counterintuitive to the woman we were honoring. It was just plain wrong. And Guntersville totally supported our every wish and whim.

So we held a “Celebration of Life” ceremony and “after party.” Yep, mid-week my sister and I pulled ourselves together, put the kleenex down, trashed the the jeans and t-shirts we’d been wearing for days, scrubbed-up, dolled-up and did right by our momma. I even pulled out the pearls.

There was no funeral home. There was a nice sanctuary and then a great big room with big speakers, food and lots of sunlight. There was no sorrowful music. There was mom’s favorite music of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Van Morrison and many more. There wasn’t talk of regrets, there were funny stories. And, of course, the Pastor was a rockin’ female (you go girl!).

My sister, who has never looked more beautiful and has never made me more proud gave a moving eulogy. She’ll never know how much she radiated, but mom does. My eulogy was a bit spirited as I used some fun props to weave together the story of mom’s myriad, amazing attributes. Oh, and we gave out custom-made CDs of her favorite songs along with her favorite candy (she was a sugar junkie and loved Kit Kat bars). I did ask attendees not to eat in church.

So everyone left with good stories, good food and goodies. As the photos prove, we had MUCH more laughing than crying. Mission accomplished, momma.

We’ve addressed this before, and I’m just sayin’ ….DIY could do an episode on Creative Memorials.

Oprah has.

Complication? Regarding the distribution of the CD’s there is probably some copyright and licensing issue. Seems there always is…..

Today’s Tip for Better Living: Do Not Consume Alcohol while water skiing.

When we stroll through the garden, we’ll stop and pay tribute to the makeshift memorials we find. At the elementary school is a marker dedicated to a school employee who died suddenly. A tree has been planted in his memory. Simple.

Sometimes planting a tree in your loved one’s memory can give the family a place to return to honor the loved one. Tree plantings can be marked with a tree dedication stone personalized with artwork and the departed’s name and dates

At the high school nearby there’s this simple roadside memorial.

A more elaborate memorial is tucked in a quiet corner of a nearby bed and breakfast.

Memorial stepping stones, memorial garden plaques, as well as a statuary or garden memorial sculpture are other ideal ways to memorialize your loved one if you are limited in space because these items can represent your loved ones’ personality. Garden stones and garden benches can be used indoors or out, and are all loving touches in your sacred space.

Regardless of the memorial garden that you choose best represents your passed loved one, memorials can be used to heal, restore, and remember the time and life that your loved one spent on Earth.

Today’s tip for better living: Get your hands dirty!

To Wisconsin of course! From Roadside America:

In Sam Sanfillippo’s funeral home basement in Wisconsin, we’ve noticed a large number of albino squirrels among perky dead animal dioramas. They ride motorcycles and jeeps, shoot hoops, party in bars. There are more here than in all the wildlife museums and taxidermy collections we have visited.

Sam tells us about acquaintances he had made through a fraternal organization in the town of Marionville, Missouri, a well-established Mecca of albino squirrels. When they discovered his passion for animal dioramas, they volunteered to send him a batch — “the ones that had been hit by cars or died of heart attacks or whatever.”

In other animal news, I was visiting a friend recently who asked if I wanted to see her new pet rat. Uhhh- no thanks. Why would you get a rodent for a pet? She says he’s super smart, cute, and the kids love him. I only want to see a rat…..on a trap or in an urn.

Quick garden update: The Irish Spring experiment seems to be working as a non-toxic cat repellent. The soap shavings are not that attractive in my flower beds, especially after a rain. Next, I’m trying the liquid version in a spray bottle. Although, seems like I read that the bar soap is the best. We’ll see.

Inspiration this week comes from a 78 year old lady at the gym. A couple of years ago, she slowly shuffled in every day to exercise, clearly had some balance issues, but was dedicated to her daily workout. Saw her for the first time in a while yesterday, lifting weights, and had physically been transformed. Solid core strength, better balance. She looked amazing and so much stronger. There is hope for all of us.

I did have to snap her with my towel, when she guessed my age at ten years older than I really am.

Part of our long range goal is to winter over in some sunny locale and celebrate the season with a Beach Party in February! But for now, we work. We’ve relocated our mobile command center to the kitchen for a couple of days while the main office undergoes a facelift. Bring it!

Busy Friday brings another installment of our Memorial Garden Series. Not everyone has the time or the space to dedicate to the green variety of a tribute garden. Regarding the time, if you have the space, I can verify that the process of digging a hole and planting a live blooming plant can be restorative. Dr. Hall recommends planting for the soul. Testify!

Dirtsister posted some ideas for creating your sacred space. Over the years, we’ve been re-working and consolidating (downsizing) gardens and beds due to the time and space considerations.

On a smaller scale, the rosemary topiary is great for the apartment or condo dweller. Combine with a favorite scented candle, picture or other mementos and wah-la. An easy memory that blends with your surroundings.

We’ve talked about the memorials that our clients direct us to on You Tube, MySpace, Facebook, and other sites that become online tributes to the deceased. Very powerful. We have our own family and friends page and sadly, it needs to be updated. There’s some great video of Mike Lopez that I’d like to put on the YouTube, funny stuff.

Candace over at In Repose has created an online resource that families can use to spell it out for your family members and create an online memorial.

Tom Goldman, co-creator of In Repose said, “My wife and I created In Repose because of our own personal experiences in dealing with the loss of loved ones and the consequences of not knowing what they would have desired. Dealing with the loss is difficult enough, but not knowing what they would have wanted makes it even worse. We created In Repose to make it easier to ensure these last wishes are known by those left behind.”

Dirtsister has commitment issues and that’s the fascination with the ink. Personally, we are unblemished, but admire the symbolism, art and permanency of the memorial tattoo. I’d like to see a Body World Exhibit featuring live models showcasing their art.

Many of our clients are keeping the cremated remains of their loved ones close….in the home or on the property. Today, we’re sharing some examples of loving tributes created by real people. My grandmother, Etta introduced me to the healing and restorative powers of memorial gardens when she lost her husband and son.

At the time, Etta lived in a rural area and had the space to create her memorial garden. She chose a military theme to honor her husband and son’s service in the Navy.

Not the greatest photo, but you get the idea. Several years later, we packed her up and moved her closer to the family in a condo right in the middle of town. The fountain was sold at an auction, but the remainder of the garden was transplanted to the men’s burial site.

Apartment dwellers and other urbanites may not have the luxury of a small space for planting, but there are other alternatives and we’ll cover those tomorrow. For more information on creating a loving memorial garden or tribute, visit our site urngarden.com

Other examples:

“What I did was set up bird feeders because Eddie so loved his birds. I remember on the morning of his death- it was just daybreak- and as they carried his body to the ambulance, the birds were singing everywhere! Everyone noticed. It seemed the birds sensed something was very different and were saying goodbye (or maybe hello) to him.”

“My husband died very young of a chronic illness. His acceptance of his death was beyond understanding. He asked that his ashes become “part of the good earth”. He died on the vernal equinox. On the summer solstice, our family planted a flowering crab tree, one he always wanted, with his ashes mixed into the roots. Our oldest son graduated from high school one year later, and we took pictures of him in his cap and gown with “Dad”, who was blossoming beautifully. As long as they live, this will always be “Dad’s tree.”

Our tree dedication stones are an excellent way to dedicate your sacred space.

For those without the room or the ability to create an elaborate, in-ground garden, a patio or indoor pot can be planted instead. A simple potted planting can be just as meaningful as more complex garden. Bend a wire coat hanger into the shape of a heart and secure in potting soil. Plant a climbing vine that you can train to grow up the wire. Rosemary symbolizes remembrance, English Ivy friendship are easy plants to train into a topiary form.

Today’s tip for better living: Tell everyone special to you that you love them!

Yesterday, we covered various ash scattering techniques. As the cremation rate climbs, people are looking for creative and memorable ways to carry out the wishes of their loved one regarding their remains. Although many take home their loved ones ashes in a crematory urn , it is estimated that 21.7% plan on scattering the remains at some point, up from 17.8% in 1997. For this reason, planning a ceremony for the scattering of ashes is an important aspect of consideration.

Since many funeral home directors include scattering services in their funeral packages, it brings up ideas that many traditional-minded families may not have considered. This is a time that decision making can be difficult and overwhelming,and given that the ceremony is one that is ingrained in one’s memory, the choice is important because it is often the only opportunity that you will have to honor the loved one and the life that you shared together.

When choosing ash scattering as the method of cherishing the memory of the person, it’s important to take into consideration particular areas that may hold a great significance to the one that has passed on. This is a particularly meaningful part of the grieving process, because it allows the observing family to have a visual image of their loved one “resting” in a place that they cherished and spent much of their life surrounded by. Some people prefer to photograph or video tape the ashes being scattered over this place as a constant reminder that they will be surrounded by an area that they loved.

Even for those that choose scattering as a method of dispersing ashes, many families still like to have a small portion of the ashes or a lock of hair incorporated into a small memorial such as a piece of cremation jewelry or keepsake urn. Others prefer creating a memorial that may include a memorial stepping stone , memorial garden plaque, or a statuary or garden memorial sculpture to honor their loved one. Garden stones and garden benches can also be used indoors or out, and all create loving touches in your sacred space. Whatever your decision, this is a personal choice that is meant to honor and represent your passed loved one as well as heal, restore, and remember the time and life that your loved one spent on Earth.

Based on traffic we’ve received for information on the scattering of ashes and memorials, we’re doing a series this week addressing those requests.  Today we’ll look at ceremonies for scattering or spreading ashes.

Today’s tips on methods of dispersing the ash is courtesy of our friends at Cremation Solutions.  The best advice on most of these methods is KEEP IT LOW and check the wind, unless you want a face full…

More information and resources on memorials can be found on our site.

Scattering Methods

* Casting: is the act of simply tossing the ashes to the wind. Usually done by one individual while others look on. Care and consideration of others should be used when casting. Check the direction of the wind and cast down wind. The ashes are mostly made up of a dense sand like matter and will quickly fall to the ground but some of it will be a fine powder and this will become airborne forming a whitish gray cloud. Casting can also be done as a group. People can take turns doing a partial scattering one at a time. I have also seen group scattering where multiple people scattered simultaneously in a toast-like gesture using paper cups.

* Trenching: This is done on land when a shallow trench or groove is dug in the soil. A hoe works well. Then the trench is filled from the scattering urn and usually racked over at the conclusion of the ceremony. You can get creative and dig the persons name in the soil, maybe inside a heart, then fill the void with the ashes. If its not too windy, candles can go in the ground alongside the trench for a more spiritual feel. Imagine filling a trenched name in beach sand and having the group form a ring around it. You can place and time it right so the tide will come up and wash the remains back to the sea while you all wade in the surf and share memories.

* Ringing: This is when we form a ring on the ground around an object or even a group of objects, it can be with or without a trench. The scattering urn will need to be held close to the ground when pouring the ring. Some ideas include a ring around a favorite tree or shrub. How about a ring around a group of candles or a memory table? The survivors can be the outer ring and take turns entering the ring to share words of remembrance.

* Raking: The ashes are poured from the scattering urn evenly on loose soil and raked into the ground, at the conclusion of the scattering ceremony. This is often how it is done in the scattering gardens that are now located in many cemeteries. Your funeral director can help you find a scattering garden in your area.

* Green Burial: A hole is made in the soil and the ashes can either be poured in or a biodegradable scattering urn can be placed in and covered. Many cemeteries will let you scatter on the grave site as long as the remains are buried. If the cemetery requires an urn, the biodegradable style is often permitted. Multiple scatterings or green burial can be done on one grave even if a casket has been buried the ashes can go on top. As with any scattering it is important to establish a permanent memorial so survivors have a place to continue remember and heal in the years to come.

* Water scattering: When scattering over a body of water a water-soluble urn can enhance the experience. These urns are specifically designed to gradually disperse the ashes back to the sea. Ashes can be cast directly into the water, but will often blow back at the boat and cling to the sides of the boat. This can be both frustrating and unsightly. A water-soluble urn will usually float for several minutes then slowly sink where it will degrade or melt back to the sea. The survivors will often toss flowers or petals as a final tribute as the urn slowly drifts away. There are professionals with boats available that will do either private water scatterings or create an event were the survivors may voyage and participate. Your funeral director will usually have the contacts to set this up in your area or you may find a provider on the resources section of this website.

* Aerial scattering: Usually done by professionals, this is done when the ashes are cast from a private plane. See the resources section of this website for aerial scattering providers in your area. Some of them will coordinate with your ceremony to fly over and cast the ashes at a specified place and time. On clear days a cloud of ash can be seen from the ground. Most professionals will provide a certificate of the place and time and even photos. Some will allow passengers to attend the scattering for an extra fee.

Dispersing of cremated remains comes with a variety of regulations that vary by location, and typically requires a permit from the local health department as well as permission from the location where you are planning on scattering the ashes.  Scattering cremated remains, like any other method of saying your final good-byes, is emotionally very difficult. This is a good time to ask other family members or friends if keepsake portions need to be retained for those that may want a small portion.

By being knowledgeable about the available options makes the process a little easier, and establishing a permanent memorial for survivors to pay tribute to the departed often helps in the mourning process, and enables people a place to heal and remember their loved one for years to come.

More information on planning a memorial service or ceremony for spreading ashes:

Scattering Ashes

Spreading Ashes At Sea

Dust in the Wind

Spreading Ashes Over Water

It’s been a week in the garden. Busy moving, proving my identity, and dealing with rigid rule enforcers.

We are customer service connoisseurs and when the service is lacking we’re all over it. Had several instances this week, but the prize goes to the Storage Nazi.

Storage Nazi and her spouse are two vile robots that run a large complex and I’m sure they have their trials. They spew the RULES “CUZ THEY DON’T WANT ANYTHANG TORE UP!” Their rudeness is appalling and embarrassing. Most times, I try to be respectful and hold my tongue, but earlier this week they tested my patience.

Let’s move on.

Last week we wrote about customers that want to be buried with their pets. Today, we spoke to a lady who was putting her pup down and wanted her pet to be interred with her. She bought one of Terry Bloodworth’s beautiful blown glass pet urns.

Wow, Alex McIlveen really is my hero, not only did he kick a jihadi in the balls, his good name drove a lot of traffic to this blog! Who knew?

And speaking of jihad, In Repose had this interesting post on the Flight 93 memorial. Will have to read up on this very disturbing design.

I’ve had my head in the sand lately, and haven’t been following the news, elevated fear and loathing factor every time I turn it on.

Speaking of sand and RULES, I found this interesting post on Secret Dubai Diary regarding freedom of speech.

America is indeed the land of the free: free (or practically free) communications. The sweet ease of being able to access Skype.com and videochat with friends and family overseas without having hordes of angry TRA officials banging on ones window waving camel whips.

The sheer delight of being able to make a two minute international phone call that don’t cost more than a labourer’s annual pay packet.

And the general joy of being able to access any website at any time at a speed light years faster than a lame carrier pigeon ferrying 1s and 0s back and forth from ones computer to Etishite.

So while America may have a president so unpopular that one can currently buy a calendar in Borders to count the days until he leaves office, at least people have the freedom to express their loathing and the communications to convey it.

Whereas in the sandlands, according to the UAE Publications Law Chapter 7 Article 76, it is actually forbidden to “blemish” the president of any “friendly state”. Which means that as the US is a UAE ally, we may only express loving praise for George W Bush and the wonderful progress he has made in Iraq and for world security in general.

So perhaps it really is the United American Emirates after all.

Another story of interest is the execution of China’s Head of Food and Drug Administration.

Some will find this idea “out there”, but we’re rolling it out anyway to test the waters. With the cremation rates rising, we get a lot of requests for garden memorial ideas. We are partnering with Grotto to bring cremation memorials to families that desire a unique lasting tribute.

Grotto provides a way to memorialize loved ones by blending some or all of their ashes with a mixture of white cement, river stone and light sand, making stone statues, planters or other items for the home and garden. The process also can be done with pets.

Helen Tribby had no choice about whether to cremate in July 2001 when her 37-year-old son, Thomas Tribby, died in the fire that destroyed her house.

But when her daughter, Lesa Tribby Barbrey, was ill, she made her preference known. Barbrey died March 24 at age 38.

She didn’t know anything about Grotto before her death, but when her mother, her daughter, Jackie Tribby, and her friend Jolene Doman visited Found and Sons last month, they learned about the option of creating a lasting and portable memorial.
“I thought that would be great,” Helen Tribby said. “We could have her home with us like always.”

With Grotto’s process, Tribby was able to create a memorial that included ashes from her son, her daughter and her infant granddaughter, Samantha Lee Tribby.

Family and friends gathered March 29 to take part in creating a planter–the item the family chose from among dozens of Grotto offerings. They added the remains to the mixture and then saw it all poured into a mold.

It takes three to four weeks to produce each item. Statues generally cost $400 to $1,600.

In addition to having a constant reminder of her loved ones, Helen Tribby liked knowing she could take them with her if she ever decided to move.

“This way, if you have to leave, you don’t have to worry about leaving them behind in a cemetery,” she said. “So many people get left behind.”

Personally, I love the idea of morphing into a birdbath or a guardian angel in some one’s garden, but I understand that some will find this idea repulsive and sac religious. Definitely a personal choice. We’ll see how it develops.

Regarding Found and Sons, they are the first funeral home that I’ve run across advertising their “themed” funerals online.  Something different and a good idea.

Sweet sweaty night at the ballpark. No liquor or fried food touched these lips. That’s a first time experience for this girl. Springfield Cards crushed the Midland Rock Hounds, full house, lots of beautiful explosions, old friends and one incident that ruffled my feathers.

Maybe I’m overreacting, but while waiting in line for at the concession stand (had to get a snack for grandmother) the National Anthem began. Service stops, you turn and face the flag. Simple. I look around, because I hear harumphing. The young girl next to me, looks annoyed. Perhaps her feeding schedule has been interrupted? She whips out her cell phone and starts texting. Hey, it’s a free country, text on sister.

But I had to bite my tongue. Standing next to me was a member of our Greatest Generation. A military wife who moved coast to coast with four children in tow while her man was overseas.

After the game, this beautiful woman turned to me half-way through the fireworks display and asked, “I guess the ball game is over?”

Several years ago she told me that turning 80 was the worst. Everything is falling apart and it’s all been downhill. I can see it.

Grandmother, I salute you.