Life in the Garden

Matters of Life and Death

ash scattering

Cast Away

As cremation has overtaken burial in California — about 52 percent of the dead are cremated, according to the National Funeral Directors Association — scatterings of remains have become a daily occurrence. Without anybody really noticing, San Francisco Bay has become an enormous burial ground.

Scatterings are done from boats, cliffs and the Golden Gate Bridge. Cemetery owner Buck Kamphausen said it is not unusual to see remains scattered off the back of ferries. He has found urns bobbing in the water. “We’ve done it at night, in the fog, in the rain. You have to say that if there is something spiritual about it, this is one of the most beautiful places in the world to have it done.”

Cremation does not appeal to everybody.

Mark Matthews, vice president of the Association of California Cremationists, said that for a variety of cultural reasons, Latinos and African Americans are less likely to cremate than other Californians. And he said higher-income people are more likely to cremate than people with less money. Several religions, including Judaism and Mormonism, frown on cremation. Islam forbids it.

“There are a lot of people that have died and are in the Bay,” said Curtis Brown, captain and operator of the Orca III, “Over the recent years, I’m sure there have been more people scattered in the water than buried in the Bay Area. I go out near the ocean, so ultimately the ashes can be scattered on the tides throughout the world. It’s kind of a liberating, freeing thing.”

Ashes dispersed off the Orca III in San Fransisco Bay, Angel Island in the background.

Today’s tip for better living: Perfect your swimming stroke.

Put Some Clothes On!

Starmark Funeral Products recently conducted a nationwide survey of 400 people who planned to be cremated. The goal of the survey was to discover consumer preferences with regard to cremation services, caskets and urns.

Whether it’s vanity or modesty, more than 75% want to be clothed when cremated and most want to be dressed in meaningful attire.

Eighty percent would like to avoid a public viewing.

79% would like to have a religious leader, friend or family member preside over their service, whether it’s a full blown funeral or simple memorial service.

73% were not aware that “rental caskets” are available at most funeral homes for open or closed-casket services followed by cremation.

When asked if they would like to use a funeral home chapel for their family gathering, nearly half said no.

The tough decision was what to do with the ashes. In various questions regarding the final resting place:

77% preferred scattering in a special place.

35% would leave it up to the family.

58% would like to avoid being left with the family.

Only 4% would like to be placed in an urn in a loved one’s home.

Full survey results here.

Many of our families are not sure what they are going to do with the ashes. Some plan to spread or scatter at a later date. It’s not uncommon for families that have been holding the ashes for a couple of years to finally make a decision and purchase an urn.

Make your wishes known.

Today’s tip for better living: Get your clothes laid out for tomorrow.

A Hui Kaua Kevin Curran

Our deepest sympathies to the Curran family on the loss of Kevin.

Curran, 42, of Ozark, Mo., died Saturday after the rental car he was driving plunged 140 feet off a West Maui cliff into the ocean while on his honeymoon. He would have been 43 today.

The couple married May 5 in Eureka Springs, Ark., and arrived on Maui on May 13.

Maui police reported that on Saturday, May 19th, Curran was driving a 2006 Ford Mustang southbound on Honoapiilani Highway in West Maui when the car ran off the road during a left turn and landed in the ocean 140 feet below.

Survivors include his wife Jill, two daughters, age 13 and 16; parents; two brothers; two sisters; and several nieces and nephews.

Heartbreaking story in the Star Bulletin

Cut Out for the Long Haul

Three Beautiful things:

Clematis recovering from frost bite
Connecting with an old friend: Dirt by Donna
Cheeseburger, fries and thick banana shake.

Points of consternation:

Cats wrecking my flower beds
Ants
College Tuition

It’s a good life!

Doug at Funeralwire has a good article regarding the “old guard” in the funeral home industry, his observations:

“Seven years ago, while attending the Baltimore convention of the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), I remember chatting with one of the nation’s top business advisors to funeral homes about how the profession had changed. This seasoned professional believes that many funeral-home owners have stumbled into something of a disconnect with their communities, due in large part to the difficult changes reshaping the industry, such as the rising cremation rate and declining profit margins. Some long-time owners, this adviser contends, have actually grown angry at their families for increasingly choosing cremation or other, less lucrative service options.

“I was skeptical back in 2000 when I first heard this theory … but since then, I have interviewed a dozen or two owners in their 60s and 70s who brazenly articulated this sort of anger toward the changing consumer – i.e., toward their own families. One can only hope that such attitudes will become more rare as funeral homes continue to transfer to the next generation of ownership.”

Of course, there are some consumers who just can’t be satisfied – whether it’s at a restaurant, car dealership or funeral home. A large percentage of the families aren’t chronic complainers. For many of them, just lodging a complaint makes it that much harder to come to terms with a recent loss; they wouldn’t do it unless they felt strongly that their family had been mistreated or their concerns ignored.

We’ve observed this anger with funeral directors in our area, and most do fall into the 60-70 year old age range. They are angry because many of the cremation families are wealthy, but don’t want to spend money on a “funeral”. They are angry because the church is so involved in the planning process. They are angry at the “un-churched” and seemingly lack of respect for the body and ceremony.

There are a couple of exceptions in this market with “progressive” funeral directors who are embracing the families wishes and rolling with the changes. Most of these funeral homes report a cremation rate of 30% and growing. Compared to CA, FL, and CO, that’s a small percentage. However, if a third of my business is coming from a certain segment and continues to increase, I pay attention.

And now a word from the Funeral Consumer Alliance:

“I hear many of the same complaints….and they come in daily. No, I’m not accusing the majority of the business of behaving in the ways you described in your article, but there are more complaints than anyone in the industry wants to admit. Indeed, they might not even hear about them – but FCA does. Some of the most common:

1. No GPL (general price list) given (23 years after the Funeral Rule went into effect).

2. Family pushed to buy a package, sometimes to the point of being lied to and told they had no choice (a common complaint from SCI customers, but it happens with indies, too).

3. Slippery pre-need salesmanship – “If you don’t buy your grave today, prices are doubling in three weeks” (another common corporate common-on).

4. Raising prices on services when the funeral home finds out the family is buying an outside casket (another Funeral Rule violation). Again, hats off to those funeral directors who wouldn’t dream of doing these things. I’m proud to know many of them. But it ain’t just 1 percent who are the bad apples, no matter how hard the associations want to argue that point. Until the percentage is that low, all of funeral service will suffer a black eye, deserved or not.

One important piece of advice I think you missed: Act within the law. Know the Funeral Rule. Know your state statutes. Training staff on handling complaints is good advice, but it’s closing the barn door after the horse is gone. The best cure is prevention.

My best,

Joshua Slocum
Executive Director Funeral Consumers Alliance

Life and Death in Deep Space

How do you get rid of the body of a dead astronaut on a three-year mission to Mars and back?

When should the plug be pulled on a critically ill astronaut who is using up precious oxygen and endangering the rest of the crew?

NASA doctors and scientists, with help from outside bioethicists and medical experts, hope to answer many of these questions over the next several years.

One topic that is evidently too hot to handle: How do you cope with sexual desire among healthy young men and women during a mission years long?

Sex is not mentioned in the document and has long been almost a taboo topic at NASA. Williams said the question of sex in space is not a matter of crew health but a behavioral issue that will have to be taken up by others at NASA. Full story here.

Today’s tip for better living:  Invent a better jetpack.