Life in the Garden

Matters of Life and Death

Confessions

What you need to know about buying an urn online

With the rise in cremation and more families exposed to shopping on the internet, buyers are getting more savvy and educated about their choices. We’ve been in business long enough now that for some of our customers, this isn’t their first time to buy an urn.

What Size Urn Do I Need?

One of the first steps in buying an urn is determining size. Whether you need full size adult urn, an urn for two, or smaller size for sharing or pets, keepsakes (mini size for storing just a little bit of ashes) There are so many choices available.

Who Are You Doing Business With? 

Before you buy, check to see who you are doing business with. Is there a phone number, or live chat that you can contact and speak to a real human? Do they have a good rating with the Better Business Bureau?

We recommend that if you have questions, no matter how insignificant you may think they are, you should call or email and get the answers you need. If it happens to be a weekend, we may not return the call until Monday, but we will answer your questions as soon as possible. If you leave a message, be sure and provide good contact information so that we can reach you if needed.

When Will the Urn Be Delivered?

Most of our inventory is shipped from our warehouse in the Midwest. Many of the sites on the internet are drop shipping from another location, and we do as well on some styles. If you have a definite delivery date that you need to receive the urn by, by all means, reach out and confirm that your needs will be met.

Most carriers will drop off the package without a signature if you are not home. It’s important that you provide a secure location for delivery. If you are not shipping to the funeral home and you won’t be home to receive the package, please consider an alternate secure location.

What is the Urn Made Out Of? 

Next in the selection process would be to determine what is the plan for where the cremation urn will be stored. Will it be buried, stored in the home, will the ashes be scattered at a later date? These are important decisions that may impact the style you select.

Whether a customer is shopping an urn for the ashes of a person or a pet, some people seem to care about where the memorial is made. These buyers tend to prefer an American made product, are open to products made in India, and they definitely don’t want Chinese. We’ve mentioned before that often the customer wants an American made memorial, but when making the final decision, they chose the import, usually due to cost. There seems to be a shift now and the trend is that they’ll pay more for an urn that is manufactured in the USA.

Here’s a brief rundown on the common materials used in the urn world and where the country of origin is:

METAL URNS: More families buy metal urns. Premium cast bronze is our specialty, is the top of the line, and proudly made in America.

The most popular styles of metal urns are brass, aluminum, some steel and copper that comes from India, Vietnam, and a couple of styles from USA.

By far, the metal vase shape is preferred by families that need an adult human size, but box type containers are good for burial and niche spaces.

Most of the metal urns come in smaller mini sizes, called Keepsake Urns. Popular nature themes are cardinals and hummingbirds and are usually imported and of excellent quality.

WOODEN CREMATION URNS: Mix of USA, India, and China. Walnut tends to be the most expensive wood and is usually sourced in the US. The imports are usually Birch wood or an MDF.

CERAMIC AND POTTERY Urns for Ashes: Many styles are made by American artists, some are imported from Asia.

MARBLE AND STONE Containers for Ashes: Mined from all over the world.

CREMATION JEWELRY: Again, a mix on the jeweler locations. We have an extensive line of sterling and gold finishes that are created by American jewelers. Most of the jewelry on any site will be shipped from the jewelers location. In the last few years, the Chinese have entered this market and are making stainless steel pendants and chains.

Biodegradable: Some of the bio urns are made domestically and some are imported. This style is ideal for earth and water friendly burials.

Personalization

If you want your memorial inscribed with names and dates, we may be able to help. Most of our urns can be personalized directly on the surface, with a name plate, or medallion that hangs from the top of the vase shape containers. Personalization may add a little extra processing time.

We are always honored to assist families in making beautiful memorials. We understand that no one wants to shop for an urn and our goal is to make the process a little easier and secure.

Urn Garden Cremation Urns

Death with Dignity

In the 17 years that we’ve operated Urn Garden, we’ve heard lots of stories about pet parents making the difficult decision to put a beloved animal to sleep. Today, was a turning point in our history, as we had the human version to that story.

This particular customer had ordered a custom bronze shell urn, and since these beautiful vessels are poured to order, they can take several weeks to produce.

shell cremation urn for ashes

While following up with this client regarding the status of her order, she mentioned that she needed it by a certain date, as she was being “put to sleep”. “Oh, you’re having surgery?” I asked. “No” she said. “I’m going to sleep forever. I’m terminal”

This took me a little aback, as I’ve never had a conversation like this. I mean, what do you say to that? “Are you serious?” I asked. Maybe not the most appropriate response, but she was so calm and cheerful that I really wasn’t sure if she was being real.

Turns out, she was a former teacher and she was willing to educate me. My first thought was that she was in Oregon, but after a quick glance at her order, I said “Oh, you are in Colorado! I didn’t know that they had assisted suicide.”

“Well, we don’t call it that”, she said. “Colorado just passed Death with Dignity about three years ago.” She went on to say that she’d had a full life as a math and science teacher, had touched many lives, but in recent years, her quality of life had radically changed. Prior to her illness, she and her husband were active hikers and outdoorsy people. Now? She can’t move, hasn’t driven in years, can’t wear clothes, and is completely dependent on others for every need. “My quality of life, sucks,” she said.

She’d seen over 70 specialists at 13 different hospital clinics and she was done with all that.

Of course, I had some questions.

Do you have to go the hospital or can you die at home?

No, she said, she chose to die at home. The doctor will write her a prescription that she can get at the pharmacy and mix with 6 oz. of liquid that she’ll drink and then go to sleep. Forever.

How did she pick that date?

It just happened to be the date that the physician was available.

In her state, to participate in this program, you have to have two physicians agree on a terminal prognosis, two physicians that can determine that you are of sound mind, and a mountain of paperwork.

That pile of paperwork was also a deciding factor in the cause of death on the death certificate. The coroner wanted to list her passing as suicide, but the physician advocated for her and was able to persuade the corner to list the official diagnosis.

As we were talking, I looked at the calendar and that date loomed about four weeks out. “I’m not scared.” she said. And it sounded like she meant it.

Since then, we’ve had another conversation and she sounded bright. She mentioned that she’d been in a lot of pain the night before and was looking forward to THE DATE. She plans to look out her office windows at the mountains and watch the hummingbirds who are super active right now, have a little nibble of her favorite chocolate with Mozart playing in the background.

I can’t imagine what it must be like for her family, her husband, who is at home by her side. Maybe it’s like any other family situation when you are caring for a loved one, only instead of day to day, which she is, you can see the end.

Her friends and family all know she’s ill, but she’s decided not to share the fact that she has a scheduled appointment with death.

“Everybody is busy, and the kids couldn’t handle it, it’s too heavy.”

When the day comes, her husband will call and let everyone know that she died in her sleep.

Frequently Asked Questions about Death with Dignity

What is Death with Dignity?

Death with dignity usually refers to an end-of-life option where individuals legally obtain medications from their physician to end their life on their own terms in a dignified and humane manner. Also known as “physician-assisted death” or “physician-assisted dying”, the term death with dignity can also refer to specific state legislation that allows this end-of-life option, or to the group of organizations promoting the movement in the U.S.

How many states currently have death with dignity statutes?

As of August 2019 the following states have physician-assisted dying statutes:

  • California
  • Colorado
  • District of Columbia
  • Hawaii
  • New Jersey
  • Oregon
  • Vermont
  • Washington

Physician-assisted dying is also legal in Montana by way of a 2009 State Supreme Court Ruling

How can I find a physician to prescribe death with dignity medications?

You will need to ask a doctor in California, Colorado, District Of Columbia, Hawaii, Montana, Maine, New Jersey, Oregon, Vermont, Or Washington if they are willing to prescribe your life-ending medications. Doctor participation in death with dignity is strictly voluntary.

Who is eligible to participate in death with dignity?

In order to qualify for a prescription of life-ending medication under a physician-assisted dying statute, you must be:

  • an adult resident of  California, Colorado, District Of Columbia, Hawaii, Montana, Maine, New Jersey, Oregon, Vermont, or Washington – there is no length-of-residency requirement but you must be able to establish that you are a legal resident of that particular state
  • capable of communicating your healthcare decisions in a mentally competent manner
  • diagnosed with a terminal condition that will lead to death within six months
  • able to administer and ingest the prescribed medication on your own without assistance

Should I tell my family?

While everyone’s family situation is unique, talking to your family members about your intention to participate in death with dignity can help them come to terms with your decision. An open dialogue about the process can provide an understanding of your end-of-life options and why you are choosing physician-assisted death.

Find out more about death with dignity from the Death with Dignity National Center website.

The website Compassion and Choices recently published a story written by our client’s husband with details her health struggles and difficult choices.

Cremation & Religion: What Religions Believe in Cremation?

celtic cross cremation urn
Celtic Cross Cremation Urn

Cremation has replaced traditional burial as the number one choice for families in the US over the past few years. This has made cremation the “new normal” across the nation, and many funeral homes and cemeteries now offer a wide variety of services catering to cremation families.

The main drivers behind the growth of cremation include its lower price point, changing personal preferences, environmental considerations, and the increase in transient populations. Religious beliefs are also associated with the rise in cremation rates – some of the thinking behind this is that American’s are becoming less religious in general, but it also stands to reason that the increase is due to the fact that certain religions have become more accepting of cremation.

It is estimated that there are over 4,000 religions in the world, although Christianity has been (and still is) the most dominant faith. According to the Pew Research Center, approximately 65% of the US population describe themselves as Christians, while the percentage of people who are atheist, agnostic, or “nothing in particular” stands at 26%. As the number of religious vs. non-religious individuals continues to evolve, it’s likely that we’ll see a similar trend in cremation rates.

If you are in the process of making funeral plans in advance or considering cremation for a loved one, religious beliefs or affiliations may have an impact on your final decision. It helps to have a basic understanding of the different religious views on cremation. Here is a guide to some of these views:

The Catholic Church

Due to its size and scope, it’s important to ask, “what does the Catholic Church believe about cremation?” The Catholic Church did not allow cremation until 1963, when the Pope finally lifted the ban. Even though the Catholic Church still prefers traditional burial, they have slowly made subtle changes to the rules to allow for cremation. In 2016, the Vatican announced that cremated ashes should not be scattered or kept in cremation urns at home – the guidelines state that cremated remains should be kept in a “sacred place” (like a cemetery) as this is more in line with burial of Christ and belief in the resurrection of the body.

Protestant Christians

The majority of Protestant churches (Baptists, Methodists, Lutherans, etc.) accept cremation, even though they prefer traditional burial. Protestant churches do not have strict rules regarding cremation like Catholics do, and Protestants are free to choose to be cremated as they wish.

The Eastern Orthodox Church does not allow cremation as it is considered disrespectful to the human body. Cremation also conflicts with the Orthodox Church’s belief in the resurrection of the body so it can reunite with the soul at the Last Judgement.

Judaism

Judaism does not generally encourage cremation and Orthodox Jews in particular strictly forbid it. Jewish law states that deceased loved ones should be buried in the ground, although Reform Jews are more accepting of the practice and allow individuals to choose cremation if they wish. Most rabbis will allow Jews who have been cremated to receive a proper burial in a Jewish cemetery.

Islam

Cremation is strictly forbidden in Islam. Muslims make a point of burying their loved ones as soon as possible after death, and follow specific funeral rituals such as bathing the body and offering collective prayers. Islamic law considers burning of a body in cremation as an act of disrespect

Buddhism

Buddhism, along with its set of funeral traditions and death rituals, allows its followers to choose cremation if they wish. Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha), the religious leader whose teachings became the foundation of Buddhism, was cremated and his cremated remains were stored as relics and placed in sacred monuments. In today’s society, it is still customary for many Buddhists to follow the Buddha’s example and cremate their loved ones accordingly.

Hinduism

Hindus almost always, as a part of their death rites and rituals, choose cremation over burial, with the exception of infants and small children. Hinduism does not ascribe to the belief in the resurrection of the body or preservation of the corpse through burial. Instead, Hindus encourage cremation so that the soul can be quickly released from the body to start on a new spiritual journey (reincarnation).

If you have questions or concerns regarding cremation and your religion, talk to a religious leader or a local cremation provider to get more information.

How to Write a Living Will

What is a Living Will? 

A living will is a legal document that details a person’s preferences regarding their medical treatment in the event they are unable to make decisions for themselves. Living wills are an important component of the end of life planning process, especially for people who are concerned about their health care options if they become incapacitated.

The Purpose of a Living Will

Anyone over the age of 18 can create a living will as long as they are of sound mind. It doesn’t matter if you are young or old or rich or poor – a living will can provide peace of mind for you and your family during uncertain times. Nobody expects to be in a situation where they cannot make informed decisions about their health care, but if it does happen, it helps to have specific instructions for physicians and other health providers to follow. It also eases the stress level on your family if they know you have written instructions.

Living Will vs. Traditional Will

A living will should not be confused with a traditional will. A will (also known as a last will and testament) is a legally binding document that describes how an individual’s assets and property should be distributed upon their death. An easy way to think about it is a will documents your wishes about what to do with your personal property, while a living will details your wishes about what to do with your personal health.

Living Will vs. Advance Directives

There are different kinds of healthcare forms that come up when discussing living wills, e.g., advance directives, power of attorney, etc. This can make it confusing to determine which form works best for your own situation. A living will is actually a type of advance directive: an advance directive is an umbrella term for legal documents that deal with a individual’s personal instructions regarding health care if they become incapacitated.

Living Will vs. Durable Power of Attorney

A durable power of attorney for health care is another type of advance directive that gives a chosen individual (an “agent”) the right to represent or act on behalf of another person (the “principal”) in making decisions about the principal’s medical treatment. Some people create both a living will and a healthcare power of attorney to make sure their personal wishes are clearly recorded and understood.

Without a living will or an advance directive, health providers typically ask the family for guidance in providing medical treatment. This can cause conflict if your family’s plans for your health care differ from your own preferences. It can also lead to disagreements among family members who suggest opposing treatments and care.

How to Make a Living Will

Before you start to create your living will, keep in mind that each state maintains different laws and statutes concerning the authority these documents, so make sure you consult with a lawyer and do your research. In addition, a living will needs to have a valid signature in order to be considered active, and some states require one or more witnesses to sign the document or require the form to be notarized.

Here are a couple of things you should include when creating a living will:

How Do You Want to Be Treated?

Think about what kind of lifesaving medical treatment you would want if you were seriously injured or terminally ill. For example, would you want first responders to provide CPR? Or if you were in a coma, would you be okay with an IV feeding tube or mechanical ventilation to help you breathe? What about pain management or organ donation? Decisions about medical care that extends your life can be complicated, and should be clearly addressed in a living will.

Who Should Make Decisions for You?

If you decide to name someone to act as your agent in making medical decisions on your behalf, make sure the person is trustworthy, knowledgeable, and understands your personal values with respect to health care. It’s not easy choosing a healthcare agent – the person should be reliable and aware, and be able to advocate for you if faced with strong opinions from medical providers and/or family members. You should also select a backup healthcare agent in case your first choice is unable to take on the role.

Advance Planning Makes Sense

Writing a living will may seem like a challenging task, but it makes sense to get it done sooner rather than later. The same thing applies to advance planning for funeral or cremation arrangements – as the saying goes, “Better to have and not need, than to need and not have.”

Birds of a Feather: Cardinal Cremation Urn

Way back when we launched the urngarden.com site, we tried to focus on inspirational people and images that would lift us up out of the darkness and hopefully inspire others too.

My grandmother was one of the most impactful people in my life both personally and professionally, Our business name, Urn Garden came from her habit of creating memorial gardens when a loved one died. Back then, she lived on a large farm out in the country and she would dedicate a special planting on her property to honor that person. These spaces were tastefully arranged with flowers, shrubs, or statutory and did NOT look like a graveyard.

Later, she sold the farm, did a major downsize and moved to a condo in town, where she was closer to family and friends. She had a postage stamp size yard still full of flowers, but with more time on her hands, she started amassing a collection of bird figurines, that soon covered every surface in the house.

We joked about it, glad that it was inanimate objects, and not cats, so we christened her place “The Fowl House”. On one visit, as I sat on the couch in her front room, I started counting the birds within sight. I stopped at 100. It had become an obsession.

Bird & Butterfly Cremation Urns for ashes

That’s how we came up with the Bird and Butterfly collection of cremation urns (she liked butterflies, too) because of how bird crazy she was. She believed that if you loved it, you better put a bird on it.

Cardinal cremation urn for ashes
Cardinal Adult Cremation Urn

Cardinals were probably her favorite, and the Cardinal on Dogwood urn for ashes is a tribute to her. This urn is so beautiful and the old saying that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Recently, this style has been copied by imposters, so just know that when you buy from us, know that it’s the original design created by Americans that care about your family, and we can offer professional engraving services as well.

For years my grandparents were members of the Silver Eagles and went to conventions and made many friends from around the country. Soaring Free Eagle Cremation Urn is another style that we launched to honor that history.

eagle cremation urn for human ashes

My dear grandmother peacefully died in her sleep three years ago and at her memorial service we put that bird collection out for the guests to take as a keepsake. We were surprised at the turn out, many came from out of town, but she had made a huge impact on others lives as well. I miss her every day. I was lucky enough to inherit a few pieces of her jewelry, one favorite is a chunky turquoise bracelet that I wear when I want to feel the weight of her presence. Before she died, she had made a quilt that I sleep with every night and it feels like a hug. I miss holding hands with her and her gentle loving spirit.

As I’m typing this, a cardinal is perched on a dogwood branch, right outside my window. I can’t tell if it’s a male or female, but that bird is super chirpy this morning. Maybe that’s a sign?

Anyway, imagine my surprise, when I received a handwritten thank you not from a client. This is a rare and welcome gift, as I consider the act of writing a thank you note a dying art. This came from the heartland of America, so that gives me hope. This family in Kansas had recently held a memorial service for their mom who was also known as a sister, aunt, grandmother, cousin, and friend.

small cardinal cremation urn for ashes
Small Cardinal Keepsake Urn for Ashes

The cardinal must have meant something to their family as well, because in addition to ordering the cardinal cremation urn, they created a funeral program which featured a poem with a picture of a cardinal. Not gonna lie, I was so touched by not only the gesture, but the poem really spoke to me and I felt myself even get a little misty as I read the words. They reminded me so much of dear Etta, my grandmother. I want to share them with you, too and hope it brings you comfort.

Red Feathered Soul

When you’re lost or feeling down,

Don’t despair, just look around

God made me red so you would see,

I still exist outside your memory.

I make my visits in bright daylight,

You’ll hear my son in distant flight,

My cardinal song is a call to you,

To tell you that I miss you too.

I am everywhere and finally free,

Like love you cannot touch or see,

You’ll see me in the trees and skies,

I didn’t leave, love never dies.

Elle Bee