Confessions

Dead Celebrity News:

Maxim mag has the dead sexy look this month as they style our favorite deceased celebs (oh John-John) in clothes they wouldn’t be caught dead in!

Featuring:

• Kurt Cobain
• Tupac Shakur
• JFK Jr.
• John Holmes- ewwww!
• Bob Marley
• John Gotti

Speaking of magazines and photoshop horrors: We’re ready for our close-up and want to be airbrushed right away. This particular clip (trt: 3:24) was influenced by the Poison music blaring in the background.

Not a Poison fan here, but I did get sucked into the horrifying Brett Michaels Rock of Love marathon this weekend. Horrifying, because I couldn’t look away. From the VH1 promo: “ Women around the world have worshiped Bret Michael’s as a veritable Rock God.”

Rock God?

Brett Michaels is never seen without eyeliner, a bandanna or cowboy hat….. we suspect hair extensions as well. I always get BM mixed up with Vince Neal.

Again, I ask….Where Have All The Smart People Gone?

From the Archives:

“Does This Mean You’ll See Me Naked?” by Robert D. Webster, a Funeral Director reflecting on 30 years of “serving the living”.

This book was plucked from the pile of summer reading material because it had the word “Naked” in the title.

Webster’s personal accounts of a 30 year career in funeral service was fascinating. I respect the fact that Mr. Webster is conducting serious business. Hats off to the funeral professionals especially those that take the time to re-live and share those moments.

However, near the end of the book I grew weary of his chastising the media and public for improper use of industry jargon. The book began to feel like a vanity statement and a plea for respect.

Example: “Coffins” versus “Caskets”. According to Mr. Webster “coffin” is an outdated term used by the uninformed and says he can “almost forgive the casket buying consumer for such uninformed terminology” and “media types” should know better.

“Visitation” versus “Wake” Mr. Webster takes himself very seriously. He goes on to admit that:

“Perhaps my thoughts on this subject are much ado about nothing, but I feel that the services I perform daily should be described with the utmost correctness, if for no other reason than respect.”

Highly recommended is “Remember Me”, by Lisa Takeuchi Cullen who liberally uses the “c” word (coffins) and even put one on the cover! Cullen explores the changing world of funeral service from an outsider’s perspective. Remember Me is a winner.

Brooke Astor, New York City’s unofficial first lady died on Aug. 13 at age 105. She was known as establishing her presence in both the luxury apartments of Fifth Avenue and the tenements of East Harlem, using her inherited millions to help the less fortunate.

Mrs. Astor’s money came from her third husband, Vincent Astor, who was heir to the fortune of John Jacob Astor and who when he died left about $60 million to her personally, and an equal amount for a foundation “for the alleviation of human suffering. She decided that because most of the fortune had been made in New York, it should be spent in New York, and her grants supported museums and libraries, homes for the elderly, churches and other institutions and programs.

She enjoyed quoting the leading character in Thornton Wilder’s play “The Matchmaker,” saying, “Money is like manure; it’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around.”

For the past year, the handling of her affairs and her care have been the subject of controversy and court battles, in a sad footnote to her long and storied life.

Tip of the hat to Chaplin Don. We love a good dog story!

Canine scout keeps soldiers company in Afghanistan
By Mark St. Clair, Stars and Stripes, Mideast edition, Wednesday, August 8, 2007

His name is Tank, and the U.S. soldiers have no idea where he came from, nor do they care. All they know is that he’s one heck of a scout here in eastern Afghanistan.
Sure, he’s got the standard allotments of unconditional love, dogged loyalty (he is, after all, a dog), and infinite patience. He gives those to the grunts in spades.
All the enemy sees is the feral beast within.

“We’ll be at an observation point, and Tank’ll hang out with us. Every once in a while, he’ll run around the perimeter sniffing and marking his territory. Any time we go on patrol, he’s with us,” said one 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team soldier from Task Force Rock. “If he hears anything, he’ll just keep barking. He hates the [enemy].”

It’s tough to tell how old Tank is, with his lopped-off ears and wheezy breathing. Put him next to a team of infantrymen, and it’s anyone’s guess who’s dirtier. His bark-box still works, though — so much so that one company commander told his troops to either have Tank removed from the base or he would “be removed.”

The men got him out on a convoy the next day. Three days later, he showed back up, having walked for miles in the summer heat. As soon as he made it, the soldiers said he fell over from exhaustion.

One paratrooper had given him an unopened water bottle; Tank still managed to get a drink, happy to be with young soldiers who treat him as one of their own.

Three Beautiful Things:

1. Fresh Blueberries
2. Croquet on the lawn
3. Firing up the Grill

Two not so beautiful things:
Shaving the dog’s butt
Applying ointment

Garden Update:
Irish Spring Cat repellent experiment: Only original scent bar soap will do. Liquid version ineffective. Today’s brilliant idea: Colgate Palmolive should process Irish Spring in a shredded format and sell as a non-toxic cat repellent for gardeners.

And then this:

I’ve been waiting all summer for this Mandevilla to take off. Everything here is late blooming due to the ice storm and late frost. I was excited this morning to discover my sickly plant was now thriving.

Several of our associates are serious fitness gurus. Hit the gym twice a day, train, train, train. I admire the dedication and their triceps. But sometimes I like to kick it hillbilly style! A sturdy tree for stretching, a bench for dipping and maybe a big rock for stepping and you’re set!

From the Sports Desk:
In a recent game Springfield Cardinals vs. Arkansas Travelers (the team that hit the killer line drive), none of the base coaches wore batting helmets. I know it was a freak accident, but still a scary place to be unprotected.

Today’s tip for better living: Work on your Wind Release Pose.