Confessions

Guaranteed Freedom!

As more and more of our senior associates ease into the Jazzy Chair and find ways for Medicare to pay for it we realize that there might be an after market opportunity to pimp your mobility scooter.

We’ve mentioned our neighbor who trolls the garden on his scooter. He now has his unit rigged for trash collection and walnut harvesting. I’ve seen him getting off-road to explore and beautify the environment. He gets it on two wheels at times and smokes the tires.

The Scooter Store site appears to market to men, but accessories are limited.

Cup holder: check

Safety Flag: check

Canopy: check

Cargo holds: limited

Off Road knobby tires: limited

Roll cage: n/a

Flared fenders: n/a

Top of the line power chair features joystick steering, two-12 volt batteries of cold cranking amps, peaks at 4.5 mph and travels 25 miles max on a full charge.

How much does a power chair cost?

from the scooter store site:

Our power chair models start at around $6000; however the amount you pay depends on your insurance. For example, because the amount Medicare will pay is different for nearly every state, your out-of-pocket amount will vary if you qualify for Medicare reimbursement.

Today’s tip for better living: Take it to the streets!

Dead Celebrity News:

Maxim mag has the dead sexy look this month as they style our favorite deceased celebs (oh John-John) in clothes they wouldn’t be caught dead in!

Featuring:

• Kurt Cobain
• Tupac Shakur
• JFK Jr.
• John Holmes- ewwww!
• Bob Marley
• John Gotti

Speaking of magazines and photoshop horrors: We’re ready for our close-up and want to be airbrushed right away. This particular clip (trt: 3:24) was influenced by the Poison music blaring in the background.

Not a Poison fan here, but I did get sucked into the horrifying Brett Michaels Rock of Love marathon this weekend. Horrifying, because I couldn’t look away. From the VH1 promo: “ Women around the world have worshiped Bret Michael’s as a veritable Rock God.”

Rock God?

Brett Michaels is never seen without eyeliner, a bandanna or cowboy hat….. we suspect hair extensions as well. I always get BM mixed up with Vince Neal.

Again, I ask….Where Have All The Smart People Gone?

From the Archives:

“Does This Mean You’ll See Me Naked?” by Robert D. Webster, a Funeral Director reflecting on 30 years of “serving the living”.

This book was plucked from the pile of summer reading material because it had the word “Naked” in the title.

Webster’s personal accounts of a 30 year career in funeral service was fascinating. I respect the fact that Mr. Webster is conducting serious business. Hats off to the funeral professionals especially those that take the time to re-live and share those moments.

However, near the end of the book I grew weary of his chastising the media and public for improper use of industry jargon. The book began to feel like a vanity statement and a plea for respect.

Example: “Coffins” versus “Caskets”. According to Mr. Webster “coffin” is an outdated term used by the uninformed and says he can “almost forgive the casket buying consumer for such uninformed terminology” and “media types” should know better.

“Visitation” versus “Wake” Mr. Webster takes himself very seriously. He goes on to admit that:

“Perhaps my thoughts on this subject are much ado about nothing, but I feel that the services I perform daily should be described with the utmost correctness, if for no other reason than respect.”

Highly recommended is “Remember Me”, by Lisa Takeuchi Cullen who liberally uses the “c” word (coffins) and even put one on the cover! Cullen explores the changing world of funeral service from an outsider’s perspective. Remember Me is a winner.

Brooke Astor, New York City’s unofficial first lady died on Aug. 13 at age 105. She was known as establishing her presence in both the luxury apartments of Fifth Avenue and the tenements of East Harlem, using her inherited millions to help the less fortunate.

Mrs. Astor’s money came from her third husband, Vincent Astor, who was heir to the fortune of John Jacob Astor and who when he died left about $60 million to her personally, and an equal amount for a foundation “for the alleviation of human suffering. She decided that because most of the fortune had been made in New York, it should be spent in New York, and her grants supported museums and libraries, homes for the elderly, churches and other institutions and programs.

She enjoyed quoting the leading character in Thornton Wilder’s play “The Matchmaker,” saying, “Money is like manure; it’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around.”

For the past year, the handling of her affairs and her care have been the subject of controversy and court battles, in a sad footnote to her long and storied life.

Tip of the hat to Chaplin Don. We love a good dog story!

Canine scout keeps soldiers company in Afghanistan
By Mark St. Clair, Stars and Stripes, Mideast edition, Wednesday, August 8, 2007

His name is Tank, and the U.S. soldiers have no idea where he came from, nor do they care. All they know is that he’s one heck of a scout here in eastern Afghanistan.
Sure, he’s got the standard allotments of unconditional love, dogged loyalty (he is, after all, a dog), and infinite patience. He gives those to the grunts in spades.
All the enemy sees is the feral beast within.

“We’ll be at an observation point, and Tank’ll hang out with us. Every once in a while, he’ll run around the perimeter sniffing and marking his territory. Any time we go on patrol, he’s with us,” said one 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team soldier from Task Force Rock. “If he hears anything, he’ll just keep barking. He hates the [enemy].”

It’s tough to tell how old Tank is, with his lopped-off ears and wheezy breathing. Put him next to a team of infantrymen, and it’s anyone’s guess who’s dirtier. His bark-box still works, though — so much so that one company commander told his troops to either have Tank removed from the base or he would “be removed.”

The men got him out on a convoy the next day. Three days later, he showed back up, having walked for miles in the summer heat. As soon as he made it, the soldiers said he fell over from exhaustion.

One paratrooper had given him an unopened water bottle; Tank still managed to get a drink, happy to be with young soldiers who treat him as one of their own.