Life in the Garden

Matters of Life and Death

funeral service

Coffin Break

The hearse that carried the body of President John F. Kennedy failed to sell at a classic car auction in Seabrook yesterday.

Apparently the highest bid of around $900,000 wasn’t enough for the owner of the historic vehicle.

After his mother-in-law’s funeral, Nathaniel Craigmiles saw the exact casket that had cost him $3,200 in Tennessee selling for only $800 in a New York City store. Hmmm.

Craigmiles, pastor of Marble Top Missionary Baptist Church in Chattanooga, Tennessee, saw a good business opportunity. He opened his own casket store and set his prices 30 to 50 percent below what other Tennessee casket dealers were charging.

After the business was open one week, however, the Tennessee Board of Funeral Directors ordered Craigmiles to stop selling caskets.

That’s because Tennessee law states that anyone who sells a casket must also be a licensed funeral director. To accomplish this, one must go through two years of training (which costs thousands of dollars), embalm 25 bodies and pass a license exam.

To sell a box. Outrageous! Full story here. This same scenario has been played out in several other states, among them, Oklahoma, Maine, Georgia, Mississippi and unsuccessfully in Missouri.

We’re crazy for the Soprano’s and found this article on the funeral home featured in the show. While familiar with the iconic HBO series, it was not yet must-see-TV for North Jersey funeral home owner, James J. Cozzarelli Jr.

“Actually, I don’t have cable. I have rabbit ears,” Cozzarelli says.

And the colorful Cozzarelli has become a celebrity. Although an elder actor (Ralph Lucarelli) played him for the first few episodes, the real man has since appeared as the show’s funeral director.

Cozzarelli, who now has his own design business, calls his upstairs home the “secret rooms.” Though viewers never got to see them, because “Sopranos” creator David Chase was afraid of damaging the priceless, palatial-style finishes and furnishings (including several optically pure crystal chandeliers that are so sensitive one has to don surgical gloves to touch them), Chase and his cast loved to hang out up there during breaks.

“Except Paulie,” Cozzarelli says of actor Tony Sirico. “He never came up. Deathly afraid.”

Today’s tip for better living: BAD BREATH IS BETTER THAN NO BREATH!

Honoring Thomas and Section 60

Our hearts go out to the mother in Southern California who lost her son last month in a motorcycle accident. He died doing what he loved.

Remember Thomas, her only son. Here’s his My Space page courtesy of his mom.

Then we read about Section 60 at Arlington in the Washington Post. Login may be needed.

In Section 60, death remains too fresh to be separated from life.

You see it in the 17 cigars pushed into the grass near one headstone, signs that a combat unit stopped by. Here in Section 60 are the graves of 336 men and women killed in Iraq and Afghanistan — almost one in 10 of the dead. Operations Iraqi Freedom and Enduring Freedom have produced the highest percentage of burials at Arlington National Cemetery from any war. For the duration of this war, there have been few photographs of coffins returning home.

In May 2005, Beth Belle’s son, Nicholas Kirven, was the first to be buried in a brand-new row of graves. Two years later, five rows extend from his headstone.

Section 60 is the one place to get a sense of the immensity of the nation’s loss.

Today’s tip: If you’ve never been to Arlington National Cemetery– GO!

Bring Us Your Blood


From the Dallas Morning News:

Here’s a new twist: a blood drive at a funeral home.

Some people are squeamish about giving blood anyway. Will they be any less squeamish about donating blood at a funeral home?

Colleague Kathy Goolsby passes on an announcement that Homestead Funeral Home in Grand Prairie is hosting a blood drive May 19 with Carter BloodCare.

Donors will receive a T-shirt and a chance to win a free night at the Gaylord resort in Grapevine or a weeklong cruise to Jamaica and Cozemel.

We have memories of a stay at the Gaylord in Grapevine. Dry county. Convention. Held hostage at the hotel. Stinky water. Jamaica or Cozemel sounds more enticing.

It’s all for a good cause, but my suspicious mind wonders…..does the funeral home get access to the names of the donors? Can donors expect solicitations for pre-need planning?

View from Gaylord Hotel in Grapevine. “Lock Down”

Cut Out for the Long Haul

Three Beautiful things:

Clematis recovering from frost bite
Connecting with an old friend: Dirt by Donna
Cheeseburger, fries and thick banana shake.

Points of consternation:

Cats wrecking my flower beds
Ants
College Tuition

It’s a good life!

Doug at Funeralwire has a good article regarding the “old guard” in the funeral home industry, his observations:

“Seven years ago, while attending the Baltimore convention of the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), I remember chatting with one of the nation’s top business advisors to funeral homes about how the profession had changed. This seasoned professional believes that many funeral-home owners have stumbled into something of a disconnect with their communities, due in large part to the difficult changes reshaping the industry, such as the rising cremation rate and declining profit margins. Some long-time owners, this adviser contends, have actually grown angry at their families for increasingly choosing cremation or other, less lucrative service options.

“I was skeptical back in 2000 when I first heard this theory … but since then, I have interviewed a dozen or two owners in their 60s and 70s who brazenly articulated this sort of anger toward the changing consumer – i.e., toward their own families. One can only hope that such attitudes will become more rare as funeral homes continue to transfer to the next generation of ownership.”

Of course, there are some consumers who just can’t be satisfied – whether it’s at a restaurant, car dealership or funeral home. A large percentage of the families aren’t chronic complainers. For many of them, just lodging a complaint makes it that much harder to come to terms with a recent loss; they wouldn’t do it unless they felt strongly that their family had been mistreated or their concerns ignored.

We’ve observed this anger with funeral directors in our area, and most do fall into the 60-70 year old age range. They are angry because many of the cremation families are wealthy, but don’t want to spend money on a “funeral”. They are angry because the church is so involved in the planning process. They are angry at the “un-churched” and seemingly lack of respect for the body and ceremony.

There are a couple of exceptions in this market with “progressive” funeral directors who are embracing the families wishes and rolling with the changes. Most of these funeral homes report a cremation rate of 30% and growing. Compared to CA, FL, and CO, that’s a small percentage. However, if a third of my business is coming from a certain segment and continues to increase, I pay attention.

And now a word from the Funeral Consumer Alliance:

“I hear many of the same complaints….and they come in daily. No, I’m not accusing the majority of the business of behaving in the ways you described in your article, but there are more complaints than anyone in the industry wants to admit. Indeed, they might not even hear about them – but FCA does. Some of the most common:

1. No GPL (general price list) given (23 years after the Funeral Rule went into effect).

2. Family pushed to buy a package, sometimes to the point of being lied to and told they had no choice (a common complaint from SCI customers, but it happens with indies, too).

3. Slippery pre-need salesmanship – “If you don’t buy your grave today, prices are doubling in three weeks” (another common corporate common-on).

4. Raising prices on services when the funeral home finds out the family is buying an outside casket (another Funeral Rule violation). Again, hats off to those funeral directors who wouldn’t dream of doing these things. I’m proud to know many of them. But it ain’t just 1 percent who are the bad apples, no matter how hard the associations want to argue that point. Until the percentage is that low, all of funeral service will suffer a black eye, deserved or not.

One important piece of advice I think you missed: Act within the law. Know the Funeral Rule. Know your state statutes. Training staff on handling complaints is good advice, but it’s closing the barn door after the horse is gone. The best cure is prevention.

My best,

Joshua Slocum
Executive Director Funeral Consumers Alliance

V.A. Approves Wiccan Symbol for Vet’s Headstones

To settle a lawsuit, the Department of Veterans Affairs has agreed to add the Wiccan pentacle to a list of approved religious symbols that it will engrave on veterans’ headstones.

Until now, the Veterans Affairs department had approved 38 symbols to indicate the faith of deceased service members on memorials. It normally takes a few months for a petition by a faith group to win the department’s approval, but the effort on behalf of the Wiccan symbol took about 10 years and a lawsuit, said Richard B. Katskee, assistant legal director for Americans United.

memorial garden stones

The group attributed the delay to religious discrimination. Many Americans do not consider Wicca a religion, or hold the mistaken belief that Wiccans are devil worshipers.

“The Wiccan families we represented were in no way asking for special treatment,” the Rev. Barry W. Lynn, executive director of Americans United, said at a news conference Monday. “They wanted precisely the same treatment that dozens of other religions already had received from the department, an acknowledgment that their spiritual beliefs were on par with those of everyone else.”

There are 1,800 Wiccans in the armed forces, according to a Pentagon survey cited in the suit, and Wiccans have their faith mentioned in official handbooks for military chaplains and noted on their dog tags.

New York Times has the full story.