Life in the Garden

Matters of Life and Death

funeral service

Scattering Ashes

scattering ashes ceramony boat waterNot everyone wishes to be buried in a casket or cremated and their ashes held in an urn after they die. Some prefer to have their cremains scattered in a place that is both meaningful and memorable. And why shouldn’t they? Scattering one’s ashes is becoming more common because people are realizing there are more options available when it comes to making final arrangements.

When a person is cremated, his or her ashes are typically placed in an urn and buried like a casket or put on display in a loved one’s home or garden. Likewise, a portion of the ashes can be put in a piece of cremation jewelry or used in artwork or memorial tattoo. The remainder of the ashes, many times, are scattered.

The location selected to scatter one’s ashes depends on they desired ceremony. There are special scattering urns designed for this. They easily open on one end and allow you to carefully sprinkle the ashes without spilling them or having to touch them. These urns also allow to disperse only the amount of cremains you wish.

You can scatter ashes anywhere allowed by state and local laws, as they vary from region to region on both land and water. They can be strewn over a favorite sports park, golf course or hiking trail, as well as in a garden or where a memorial tree can be planted. You can also scatter ashes in the ocean or in a small lake. Regarding sea burials, federal law requires that you go three miles from shore to release the ashes to avoid the urn washing up on the beach. In many coastal areas, you can charter a boat that specializes in this type of service and there are cremation urns that are biodegradable and designed for use in the water that are ideal for this type of memorial celebration.

Remembering, deciding to scatter a loved one’s ashes is a very personal choice and should be the wish of the person who has died. If this ceremony wasn’t planned before the person died, make sure everyone involved is in agreement with this decision.

Urn for Ashes

Flying with Ashes From Cremation

If you’ve ever needed to take cremated remains on a commercial flight, there are a few things to keep in mind. Flying across the country or to the other side of the world isn’t what it used to be. Airport screenings and airline regulations can make even the simplest flights overwhelming. So it’s best to prepare yourself and understand all the issues involved when flying with ashes from a loved one’s cremation.

Depending on the airline, travelers may place a container of cremated remains inside checked luggage, although there is the chance of it getting lost or damaged. Also, keep in mind, this method will add additional weight, sometimes up to an extra 10-15 pounds.

However, according to the Transportation Security Administration, if you carry ashes on board, the container is subject to screening and must pass through the x-ray machine. All the major airlines have protocol for handling of cremated remains and are listed on their websites. It’s in your best interest to look up the requirements to minimize your stress level at the airport. 

If the TSA operator cannot approve the container, other non-intrusive procedures are applied. However, if the urn still cannot be cleared, it will not be allowed on board. TSA workers are not allowed to open the ashes’ container, even if the consumer allows it. Even documentation from the funeral home working with the family is not sufficient.

So what can consumers do to make this process go smoother? The TSA recommends transporting the cremains in a light-weight plastic or wood container for ashes, typically provided by a funeral home. Once consumers reach their destination, they can have the ashes removed from the temporary container to a permanent one by one of the TSA’s Funeral Home Partners. This is a complimentary service.

Most funeral homes will do the transfer of ashes without being a TSA partner. We recommend contacting a funeral provider at your destination to inquire about this service. It’s becoming very common now and not an unusual request. 

What to Wear to a Funeral

A few years ago, a woman I know lost her 3-year-old son to a genetic disorder. At his funeral, the family requested that everyone wear orange, as that was Cooper’s favorite color. What a bright service that was too! That amazing color brightened the mood of the entire funeral and burial. Yes, everyone was still very sad that Cooper had died, but the energy from the orange funeral clothing helped sooth the entire experience.

Wearing brightly colored clothing to funerals it not as unusual as you may think. In today’s society, where the face of death is changing and becoming more accepted by the general population, the etiquette surrounding a funeral, memorial service, or burial is shifting as well.

Traditionally, funerals are formal affairs and guests have been required to dress accordingly, typically with dark suits for men and similar black ensembles for women. This rule of etiquette dates from the Victorian era when Queen Victoria’s husband, Prince Albert, died. Your Highness went into deep mourning for 40 years, wearing head-to-toe black clothing. While whittled down today, this custom never completely went out of style.

Many modern-day funerals and memorial services celebrate the lives of loved ones who died. Wearing all black or dark colors, although still a sign of respect, is not required especially if the funeral or memorial service has a theme such as the orange clothing for Cooper’s service.

The bottom line is this: If you know the funeral or memorial service will be traditional or formal in nature, then you need to dress for respect. Pull out the suit or the black dress and heels and go with that. However, if you are attending a Celebration of Life ceremony and everyone is asked to come Hawaiian shirts because the deceased loved Hawaii, then keep the formal funeral clothes in the closet. When in doubt, double check with a friend of the family or stick with the dressier apparel.

The Brief Life of Khighla Parks

The memorial service for 15 year old Khighla Parks (pronounced Kyla) was held in our area this week.  Khighla was loved in her community and went missing for several days and her body was found by fisherman in Truman Lake. Khighla loved horses and was buried in the cemetery where she used to go for a quiet moment to talk to God.

Khighla ParksA Celebration of Life ceremony was held and a horse drawn wagon delivered her casket to the cemetery where she was laid to rest. “I don’t believe this is goodbye,” said the Rev. Scotty Killingsworth. “I believe this is good night, so long, see you later.”

A couple of observations about the media coverage. Once again the word “funeral” was never mentioned by any of the outlets covering the event. I understand that the television stations have to make a dollar, but monetizing the video clip of the funeral with advertising seems inappropriate. In fact, the only time I can remember that a news video on one particular station did not have an ad attached to it was for a memorial created for the Joplin tornado victims.

Regardless, we’re sending out prayers to the family and hope law enforcement can resolve the many questions and bring peace to the family.

Allow 3 to 5 Weeks Delivery

Back in the day if you ordered an item, whether it was advertised on t.v., magazine, or catalog, you expected 4-6 weeks before it arrived on your doorstep. One of the earliest examples of direct advertising I can remember was for the product Didi 7 on the television.

The disclaimer specifically states to allow 3-5 weeks for delivery.  You could call a free number, an operator was standing by and it shipped from the middle of the country.  Why did processing take so long? Was the product made to order? Not long ago, I recall seeing this product on a store shelf and noting that it had the familiar warning that it has been known to cause cancer in the state of California.

So now we have a continuous stream of marketing on the internet and you can buy anything you want and in most cases get delivery the next day. It’s magical, a couple of clicks and tomorrow you’re problems are solved. Or further complicated, depending on your purchase and what time of day you ordered. We have urns for sale. An item that no one wants to buy. Buying an urn can be an emotional experience and if you are making a purchase under pressure on Friday for a memorial service on the weekend, you should probably call the vendor and check the details of delivery. Sadly, we find that customers that have grown up in a 24-7 culture expect instant if they place the order at 2 AM on Saturday morning, the item will arrive on Sunday.  In the not too distant future, it will happen as Amazon begins to open distribution centers around the country offering same day delivery.

Because I’m paranoid, If I were making a time sensitive purchase,  I’d call ahead to make sure the item was in stock and available to ship right away, and if it does ship, when could I really expect it? I’d leave good contact information and make sure that my voice mail isn’t full.

Urn Garden stocks most of the urns and memorials that we sell. Usually,  your purchase is in transit within 24 hours, or at least on the next business day. If you have a question, we’re available to take your call. If not? Leave a message, we’ll return your call right away. We’re centrally located and here to serve, but we have to comply with the courier’s shipping schedule, how much you are willing to pay, and occasionally Mother Nature factors into your delivery.

Urn Garden Cremation Urns