Life in the Garden

Matters of Life and Death

obituaries

Marjorie Sims RIP

marjorie simsMarjorie Sims was an inspiration. At 90 she still managed her rental business, drove and came to the fitness center every day to swim. She always had a purse full of starlight mints that she would flip to whoever was on duty at the desk. She was also a poet and had a thick three ring binder full of her work that she would share with friends and family.

I’ve had a wonderful life and I’ve had a lot of fun

But now it is time for me to say goodbye

For eventually we all have to die

I’m leaving many relatives and friends behind

Whom I hope they all remember me

as being loving and kind

I have really enjoyed all of my many years

So, if you miss me don’t shed any tears

But know that just to meet you was a pleasure to me

And many fond memories there are sure to be

I know I have found a beautiful resting place

And someday we will all meet again face to face.

We all had a good laugh when she got her first traffic ticket at age 88 for speeding on the way to the beauty shop. Marjorie loved bluegrass music and a couple of weeks ago her and a friend headed for the small town of Oldfield for a jam session. While waiting in line for a piece of pie, she collapsed and died. The only thing that would have made a sweeter departure would be if she would have died while eating pie.

So it was even sadder news when family members were burgled while attending Marjorie’s funeral on Saturday morning. One of the family members security cameras recorded one of the suspects in the driveway.  I’d heard of this happening but had never known anyone personally that it happend to. If you are looking for a way to pay respects to a family, consider the gift of your time to house sit while they attend the funeral.

Father’s Day and the Circle of Life

fathers dayFather’s Day is quickly approaching and for those whose dads are no longer alive, a sadness is cast over the day. My father died unexpectedly in 2001 at the young age of 73. He was very sick and found out it was cancer, but it was too late to do anything about it. He passed away within a week or so of the diagnosis.

I am his youngest daughter out of eight children, and I live the furthest away. As a born and bred Ohioan, he was very true to his faith and himself. He struggled and worked very hard throughout his life to provide a home for his family. I know it wasn’t always easy, but he did his best.

When I got the call that he was in the hospital, life stood still. My mother was out here in California visiting, so she flew home immediately. I went back a few days later when things were looking grim. I wanted the chance to say good-bye. I remember sitting at his bedside, talking about my family, which at the time consisted of only my husband and I. The previous year, my daughter passed away at birth, so I was all too familiar with the pain and grief of losing a close family member.

He asked me when we were going to try again for another child, specifically a grandson. I told him when the time was right, we would try for another baby. I don’t remember much of the conversation, although it turned out to be our last. He had surgery the following morning and slipped into a coma. He died three days later.

After the funeral, the words of him wanting me to have another baby rang through my soul. I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe it was time. And it was. Two days after his funeral, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. She’s feisty, loves Johnny Cash music and dislikes pizza — all of the qualities that stood out in my father. If I didn’t believe in the circle of life, I did the day she was born. As for the grandson he wanted me to have? He came along a few years later and carries my father’s name as his middle name very proud!

About the author: Mary Beth Adomaitis is a freelance writer living in Southern California with her husband and two living children. After her daughter’s death in 2000, she began writing about Death and Dying topics as a way helping others going through the tragic loss of a child. She can be reached at mba317@mac.com

Making Amends With My Father

On this Father’s Day weekend, my father is much on my mind — oddly, because that wasn’t the case when he was among the breathing, and I haven’t thought much about him since his death, seven years ago this month.

Last month I wrote:

He was sensitive, almost to a fault. He was caring and giving. He was cold and unyielding. He was a charmer and a cruel man, heartfelt and heartless.
modern memento mori
I pulled out this photo, this memento mori, for a couple reasons. It is the only picture I have of my father and the three sons he had with my mother; my father’s wife pulled out her camera not long after we had all arrived and said, “This will be the last time you boys are together with your daddy.”

If I do not understand him or make my peace with him I’ll be stranded in the thorny forest and the boon will elude me. This I know for certain…

About the author: Ron Davis is a writer and news producer and resides in Springfield, MO.

Weeping Cherry Tree Memorial

weeping cherry tree

In The Mailbox: One of our clients sent a nice note thanking us for our assistance and the recommendation of a Weeping Cherry for a tree dedication. The Weeping Cherry is one of my favorite ornamental trees and a stunning centerpiece for a memorial tribute. Check your zone out on a garden map, the Weeping Cherry does best in zones 5-8.

Added bonus for the Weeping Cherry tree is they are generally pest and disease resistant and don’t require a lot of pruning.

Here’s an example of a tree dedication, using a personalized river rock garden stone and a Weeping Cherry tree to honor Dave. Simple and elegant.

weeping cherry tree dedication

And then this:

Dear Lenette,

Thank you so much for all that you did to make Nelda’s memorial service even better than she had planned it.

I have always felt that the worst part of any funeral is the time when you leave the cemetery and leave behind someone you loved and have spent a lifetime with. Thanks to your generosity, I brought Nelda home with me and that was such a comfort at a very bad time.

The urn was beautiful (“bee-u-tee-full”, as Nelda would say) and M. loves and cherishes her urn necklace.

Thank you for letting us serve you.

memorial stone

Expressing Sympathy in the Digital Age

Sorry for your loss
Source: Letters of Note

The digital age has given most people the freedom to say whatever they want, whenever they choose. When something good — or bad — happens, you can let hundreds of people know about it in a matter of seconds through texting, making a cell phone call, or posting a status update on a social network. What about when a friend or family member dies? Is it OK to write an email, send a text, or compose a status update of condolence? Has technology made it simpler for people to communicate to the point that a simple text of “I’m sorry” overrules the tradition of sending a sympathy card or note? Or has this form of communication become so acceptable that other means are now too antiquated?

It is true that the art of a handwritten note or letter has been lost to e-mail. It not only saves a tremendous amount of time, but money thanks to rising postal costs. Often, though, it is OK to send a brief condolence (two or three sentences) this way. For example, if your friend lost her mother to cancer, it is fine to send an email expressing your sympathy. However, don’t send an email condolence to a person whose loved one died if you’ve never communicated this way with him or her. It is not only inappropriate, but shows a lack of consideration on your part.

You should never text a condolence to someone. It’s too informal for such a serious matter. Also, posting or sending a brief condolence publicly on a social network is a no-no unless the death has already been formally announced this way by a family member. Frequently, a link to the online obituary may accompany this announcement so it’s OK to comment or even sign the guest book.

Finally, any sympathy message sent digitally should always be followed up with a personal card or letter. Even if you’ve acknowledged the loss earlier, it’s best to do so again in writing. Make sure you also express your sympathy, include a memory of the deceased (if possible) and end with a thoughtful phrase, poem, or other kind words.

The recipient of the note in the image above said “This letter from my late mother’s doctor changed my life.”