Life in the Garden

Matters of Life and Death

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Audio Books on Grief and Loss

When Things Fall Apart audio book

If you’re a fan of audio books and are looking for books on grief and loss, you’ll be happy to learn there are many to choose from, including those reviewed and recommended in two earlier posts.

The first, published in December, 2017, looked at two of my favorite tools for purposeful grieving. I’m delighted to say both Martha Hickman’s classic Healing after Loss: Daily Meditations for Working through Grief and Bill Dunn’s 2004 book of healing affirmations, Through a Season of Grief: Devotions for Your Journey from Mourning to Joy are available for listening. For more on these volumes, check out “Book Reviews: Two Collections of Healing Affirmations“.

A Season of Grief audio book

The other post, Two Winter Reading Recommendations“, dates from the first month of 2018. In it, I recommended Confessions of a Funeral Director, by Caleb Wilde. While not a traditional book on grief and loss, it’s focus on cultivating a ‘death spirituality’ can assist anyone who is coping with loss – or need help in managing a fear of death. Caitlin Doughty’s From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World in Search of the Good Death is also available in audio format, as is her insightful Smoke Gets in Your Eyes and Other Lessons from the Crematory.

Why Switch to Audio Books?

I’ve been an avid reader all my life – my home is crowed with book cases crammed with books – many of which I’ve carried around for years. Now, thanks to the challenges of rapidly advancing macular degeneration, I can’t read a single one of them; so I’ve been compelled to rediscover audio books. Years ago, when homeschooling my sons; while in the car, we listened to books recorded on compact disks borrowed from the library. It was a great way to keep the car quiet – and develop in my students a greater appreciation of good books!

Things are different now: to listen to the books I’ve purchased online, I use an iPod and a wireless headset, which necessarily makes the experience a solitary one (perfect for the inner work of grieving, assisted by the wisdom and guidance of others).

There are lots of other reasons for you to ‘go audio’. Some folks like audiobooks because they allow them to ‘read’ while doing other things: driving, exercising, cooking, or gardening. While I often myself doing ‘other things’ all too often; I am working to change that habit. After all, what author wants a distracted audience? Not to mention, who can learn new ways of living when not fully listening to what’s being said?

Before I Go, Two More Recommendations

I recently finished listening to When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron, and can highly recommend it to anyone going through major life changes of any kind, including the death of a loved one. If you’re unfamiliar with Pema Chodron, you can learn more about her on the website of the Pema Chodron Foundation.

If podcasts are more your ‘cup of tea’, you’ll be excited to learn Litsa and Eleanor, the women behind the website What’s Your Grief? regularly publish Grief Support for Those Who Like to Listen.

Here’s to fruitful, mind-expanding, life-altering listening!

DIY Memorial Keepsakes: How to Make a Funeral Program

Funeral program template
Source: Elegant Memorials

If you’ve been to a funeral or memorial service, chances are you were given a funeral program upon your arrival at the service location–so you’re familiar with this traditional addition. But, if you’ve never seen one for yourself; a funeral program is a multi-page printed booklet provided to each guest at a funeral or memorial service. In this post, I’d like to share some ideas for creating a truly personal funeral program in honor of a loved one. Actually, it’s one fundamental idea: your loved one’s funeral program can rise above the commonplace.

What Makes an Extraordinary Funeral Program?
Commonly, a funeral program simply includes the relevant details of the individual’s life, the order of service (who will be speaking, what scripture readings will be shared, or prayers collectively recited), and a photograph of the deceased. It may also feature a favored scriptural passage or prayer. Honestly, I’ve never felt compelled to keep any of these ‘ordinary’ funeral programs – beyond the photographic portrait of the deceased on the cover; there was no ‘emotive’ quality to any of them. In fairly short order, each ended up in the paper recycling bin.

Taking the time to take an ordinary funeral program ‘to the next level’ can turn it into a truly meaningful DIY memorial keepsake, which will be treasured by service guests. Think of it as a gift which allows them to reconnect with the spirit and individuality of their deceased loved one in the future. A funeral program transformed into such a memorial keepsake would feature candid photographs and a biography of the deceased – along with some thoughtful extras.

Who Remembers the T.V. show, “This is Your Life”?
Okay, so I’m dating myself; the show ran on television from 1952 to 1987 – but began on radio in 1946. The title aptly describes the show’s premise: each episode is a review of the life of ‘someone worth knowing’. If you’re curious about the dozens of other guests, view the Classic TV episode list. if you’d like to watch an episode or two, take a look at the Mental Floss online article “5 Must-See Episodes of This is Your Life”.

What does this have to do with making a funeral program? It might help you to think of the project as writing an episode honoring your loved one. Ask yourself, “What does the audience need to know about this individual to better appreciate their legacy?”

Naturally, this requires a little more thought on your part, and maybe the help of family and friends. They can gather photographs and otherwise assist you in putting together this commemorative keepsake.

The task of writing the biographical part of the funeral program can be done in tandem with writing your loved one’s obituary. For guidance, see our April 2018 post, “Four Tips for Writing an Obituary”.

What extras can you add to a funeral program to make it a testament to the life being commemorated? Turn to what you know about them: for example, if he or she loved to cook, you could include one of their favorite recipes, coupled with photographs of them in the kitchen. If known for their wit or sense of humor, it could be an often told joke or commonly- told truism.

Here’s a thought: put the order of service on a separate sheet of paper, to be included as an insert. This gives you the ‘space’ to make a funeral program which is focused solely on your loved one’s life and legacy. No one will want to throw that into the bin – they’ll keep it close at hand to help them through the darker moments of bereavement.

Where to Begin
If you’re a wizard with your chosen word processing program, there’s no doubt you can create a funeral program using one of the brochure or booklet templates provided. For most people, even on a good day, the task would be daunting. And the days following the death of a loved one are by no means, ‘good’ days. Grief is, by its very nature, a detriment to focused attention (that’s another reason why it’s good to ask for help).

Fortunately, many websites offer free funeral program templates, such as Canva, and Template.net. While ‘free’ is nice; when it comes to designing a funeral program worthy of becoming a DIY memorial keepsake, you may want to look at premium funeral program templates. You can find them at the earlier mentioned Templates.net, at Elegant Memorials , even on Etsy The cost ranges from less than $10 to around $30.00.

When looking for the perfect template, consider using a favorite color, flower, or landscape. If he or she was religious, the funeral program can feature relevant artwork or religious iconography. Also, don’t forget to think about the thickness of the paper you want to use in the printing of your loved one’s funeral booklet, as it’s a critical factor in creating a keepsake-worthy funeral program.

Closing with Wise, Inspiring Words
I want to leave you with this thought, from Polish writer and poet, Czes?aw Mi?osz: “The living owe it to those who no longer can speak to tell their story for them.”  I believe this is true. Fortunately, it’s a debt which can be paid, at least in part, by learning how to make a funeral program which tells your loved one’s story with unique insight.

Song Ideas for Music at the Funeral

 

Earlier this year we presented a list of 10 of the most popular modern funeral songs. Many classics were listed there, but today I want to share a few songs that were played at funerals I’ve attended and were not on the list. Some are old traditional hymns with a modern twist, others are recent hits that are appropriate for a memorial service.

Before my grandmother died she did share her wishes as to what she would like for her funeral. She wanted a party and to keep it upbeat, “no crying”. She had picked 3 songs that she wanted played, one of which I’d never heard before called “Softly I Leave You”. Released in the ’60s, it’s an older song that’s been performed by various artists including Frank Sinatra and Elvis did that many people prefer, but I like this one. The arrangement is beautiful and there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Thanks Grandma….

10 years ago, we told you about the Widows Club and the inspirational women that led to the creation of this business. One of the ladies played this Sarah McLaughlin song at her husband’s funeral. At the time it seemed like the perfect selection as it was a suicide that left the community reeling and the song seemed to comfort those that gathered on that icy gray January day.

The 3rd selection for this post is a timeless hymn that was written at the turn of the century and has been performed throughout the years by countless artists from Johnny Cash, Bob Dylan, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band to most recently a bluesy version that the Tedeschi Trucks Band did as a tribute to Gregg Allman last year.

There’s three for your consideration, I’ve been keeping a list of music that from various genres that would be appropriate for a funeral or memorial service everything from country, blues, and pop and will share more selections coming up.

 

DIY Memorials: Dish Gardens and Window Boxes

This is our final installment of our memorial gardens series – written expressly for those who for one reason or another are looking for smaller remembrance garden options.

“Smaller” isn’t the only reason to choose one of these alternatives. In truth, it wasn’t size that was important in this example of a DIY memorial project; it was the fact that –in choosing African Violets as the focus of the memorial garden–the outdoor location discussed in earlier installments wasn’t suitable. This may be the case for you, too.

african violets

Why African Violets?

This remembrance garden is in honor of my “Auntie Kayo”, who took me in and loved me like I was her own. She called me “her lambie”, made me a birthday cake and a new Easter dress every year, and I adored her.
She grew African Violets on the ledge above her kitchen sink. They were among the most beautiful things I had ever seen. Now that I’m living in a house with enough of the right kind of sunshine, my DIY memorial to her will be an African Violet dish garden. With that idea in mind, let’s move on.

We’ll first look at ways to use a dish garden to honor the memory of a loved one; and then we’ll turn to window box memorial garden ideas. As always, should you decide either of these options is the right one for your situation, we’ve included some wonderful online resources to support you along the creative journey.

dish garden
credit: ugaurbanag.com

Memorial Dish Gardens

A dish garden is a garden of plants growing in a shallow dish or bowl for a container. The plants used in a dish garden should be compatible and cultivars that stay small or grow very slowly are most commonly used. The medium should be well drained, but hold adequate moisture and should not be very fertile, since a fertile medium would tend to encourage rapid growth. If the container has drainage holes, a saucer or other protective device should be put under it. (Source)

Here are a couple of resources to help you creating your DIY memorial dish garden:

window box flowers

Remembrance Window Boxes

There’s a certain charm to the idea of a window box garden, and they are most suitable for many different types of flowering plants. Naturally, if you’re thinking of a remembrance window box garden, you’ll want to ensure you’ve got the right amount of light for the plants you’ve chosen (and an easy way to water the garden). One of the most inspiring online articles on window box gardens is Midwestern Living’s “30 Bright and Beautiful Window Box Planters“. Certainly, An Extraordinary Day’s “How to Plant a Window Box Garden: Tutorial & Tips” is full of valuable information on starting and caring for window box gardens.

If you’ve missed the earlier installments of this series on memorial gardens–which began way back in February–here’s where you can find them:

“DIY Memorials: Let’s Talk about Memorial Gardens”
“DIY Memorials: Planning a Loved One’s Memorial Garden”

What’s Ahead?

It amazes me that the month of June is here already. As we move into summer, chances are you’ll find yourself busy with season activities and away from the computer. Still, I hope you can join us in the next four weeks – Lenette and I have some wonderful topics to explore with you. Because as I mentioned in one of those earlier memorial garden-related posts, I’m losing my eyesight and can no longer enjoy reading in the traditional sense; one topic I’m most intrigued with has to do with the availability of grief-related materials in audio book format. I’ll be looking more deeply at the language of flowers which we touched upon in the third installment, “DIY Memorials: More about Planning a Memorial Garden”. In celebration of the beauty and meaning of flowers, I’ll also showcase Urn Garden’s collection of floral urns.

Celebrity Cremations: Isadora Duncan

The date has come and gone, but May 27th, 2018 is the birthday of Isadora Duncan. Born in San Francisco in 1877, she became a world famous choreographer, dancer, and instructor, “whose emphasis on freer forms of movement was a precursor to modern dance techniques.” (Source)

Isadora Duncan

But, Isadora wasn’t just a trailblazer in the world of dance. In making the end-of-life choices she made, Isadora furthered the growth and acceptance of cremation as an alternative to traditional burial. It began it 1913, when her two children accidentally drowned, she decided to have their bodies cremated.

Isadora_Duncan_and_her_children

Their ashes were interred in the Cimetière du Père Lachaise, in Paris (where they were living at the time). Choosing cremation at the time was remarkably ‘modern’ and totally in character with Isadora’s personality and approach to life.

When Isadora died in an automobile accident fourteen years later (on September 14, 1927), the decision was for her body to also be cremated. The ashes were interred next to her children, Deirdre Beatrice Craig, who was six at the time of her death, and Patrick Augustus Singer, who was only three years of age on that fateful April day in Paris.

In the months to come, I’ll look at other celebrities who were cremated. Believe me when I say there were additional wonderfully talented and intelligent women –acrtresses Bea Arthur, Virginia Dwyer, Adriana Caselotti, and Lana Turner, to name just a few – who flew in the face of convention by choosing cremation over traditional burial.

Image source: Wikipedia